haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
