The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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