i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
