Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
