Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My brain says no but my pants say off.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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