is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
