It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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