dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
