Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
