Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
