his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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