what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
