I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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