Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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