woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
