got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
