I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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