I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
