no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
