And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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