Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
