what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
