This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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