it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
