Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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