I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
