i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
