dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
