What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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