i may or may not be watching the land before time
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
