I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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