I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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