It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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