I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
