Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
In America we eat man semen.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
