whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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