I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
