During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
