I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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