you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
