Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
