I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
