i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
