I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
