dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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