**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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