so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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