champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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