Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
