In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
