drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
