I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
