He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
